The stages of grief and part of our lives

Grief Grief is a natural reaction to loss, and each of us experiences it at some point in our lives. On the one hand, it can be universal and have a similar essence. On the other hand, grief is a very personal experience, so how long it lasts and how we cope with it can vary greatly from person to person. 

Death and grief as a part of life

Coping with the loss of a loved one is one of life's greatest challenges. Grief can also affect your physical health, making it difficult to sleep, eat, or even think. These are normal reactions to loss—and the more significant the loss, the more intense the grief.

Grief is most often associated with the loss and death of a loved one, such as the death of a mother or father, the death of a child, spouse, sibling, or other family member, as well as the passing of a close friend. Although the loss of a loved one is the most intense and difficult experience of grief, the concept of grief is actually broader. Psychology Today has divided the grief experience related to loss into four types:: loss of identity, loss of security, loss of independence, loss of dreams or expectations. So any loss can cause grief, for example:

• Divorce or relationship breakdown
• Deterioration of health
• Losing a job
• Miscarriage
• Retirement
• Death of a pet
• Losing a cherished dream
• Serious illness of a loved one
• Losing a friendship
• Loss of security after trauma
• Sale of family home, etc.

Regardless of the cause of your grief, there are healthy ways to cope with pain and grief that can ease your sadness over time and help you come to terms with your loss, find new meaning, and ultimately move on with your life. 

The 5 stages of grief 

Although there is no standard timeline for grieving, five stages of grief can be distinguished. Kübler-Ross published in her work “On Death and Dying” The five stages of grief, which is the most common description of the stages of the grieving process.

1. Shock and denial. Denial is a common defense mechanism that helps a person cope with a difficult situation. For example, a person may hope that someone will tell them that it was a mistake and that their loved one is still alive. After the initial shock and denial reaction, numbness and a feeling that nothing matters anymore may develop. 
2. Anger and guilt. Strong emotions such as anger, guilt, and irritation may arise during this stage of grief. Questions such as “Why me?” or “What did I do to deserve this?” may arise. The mourner may also suddenly become angry at things, strangers, friends, or family members. There may also be anger at life itself.
3. Bargaining. The grieving person may think to themselves that they would do anything and sacrifice everything if life could be restored to the way it was before the loss. They may find themselves thinking, “What if…” or “If only…”. 
4. Depression. In the context of grief, depression is not a sign of a mental health condition, but a natural part of the grieving process. During the depression phase, one is faced with one's current reality and experiences the inevitability of losing a loved one. Understandably, this realization can cause intense sadness and despair. A variety of feelings may occur: 

• fatigue,
• vulnerability,
• confusion and absent-mindedness,
• unwillingness to move on,
• lack of hunger and loss of appetite, 
• inability to enjoy what used to bring joy, etc.

  5. Acceptance. During this phase of grief, the person gradually begins to adapt to the loss. This does not mean that the pain disappears completely, but the person learns to live with it.

His approach has been refined, and one version of the 7 stages of grief is as follows:

1. Shock
2. Denial
3. Anger and frustration
4. Depression
5. Testing and experimenting with a new situation
6. Determination and growing optimism about learning to cope with a new situation.
7. Accepting a new reality, reflecting on what you have learned, and changing as a person.

Grief-Related Issues

What happens to a person after death?

There are people who do not believe in existence after death and associate death with a permanent end. However, many religions consider the soul to be immortal and believe that at death one moves from one existence to another. In several religions (e.g. Hinduism), it is believed that after death there is reincarnation or being born again into another body. Many (e.g. Christians) are convinced that death is not the end of life, but the gateway to eternal life.

So what happens after death is largely related to religious, philosophical, and cultural beliefs, and different people and societies may answer this question differently.

How long does grief last?

Grief is a very individual experience, a personal matter for each mourner, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. The length and manner of grief depends on many factors, including personality and coping style, life experiences, the circumstances of the death, cultural and religious beliefs, and the significance of the loss. 

There are people who follow traditions and have set a specific time limit for their mourning period. Often, mourning is also associated with wearing dark clothing and avoiding social events. According to a very old tradition, it is believed that a person's soul wanders the earth for 40 days after the death of the body, and therefore deep mourning lasts for 40 days after the death of a loved one. 

However, you must be prepared for the fact that the grieving process will inevitably take time. Healing occurs gradually; it cannot be forced or rushed. Regardless of the grief experience, it is important to be patient with yourself and let the process unfold naturally. 

Do I have to go through the stages of grief in order to overcome grief?

Grief is a unique healing journey that is individual and may vary from person to person. Not everyone goes through the stages of grief in a linear fashion. There may be ups and downs, and sometimes people move from one stage of grief to another and then back again. Additionally, not everyone experiences all the stages of grief, and they may not be completed in the same order.

How to accept death and cope with grief?

• Allow yourself to experience pain and other emotions. Be compassionate, gentle, and forgiving with yourself.
• It is worth accepting practical help boldly. When it comes to the death of a loved one, in addition to your usual responsibilities, you need to find the strength to deal with the situation. dealing with matters related to death and funeralsIf necessary and possible, allow yourself to be helped with any necessary activities, from household chores to tasks related to funeral arrangements.
• Be patient with the grieving process, give yourself enough time to grieve, and don't put pressure on yourself with expectations. 
• Seek support from loved ones and, if desired, a grief counselor. Talk about your loss, your memories, your experiences with the life and death of your loved one. Try to understand what provides comfort and support. Sometimes it helps to share your experience with people who have also lost a loved one. You can also find honest stories and other supportive information from other people on the website death.eeSometimes, a comforting message and support comes from the church. 
• Take care of yourself by eating a nutritious diet and being physically active.
• Try to find time and opportunities for your favorite activities.

When to contact a grief counselor?

If a person is experiencing intense grief and is unsure of how to cope with their grief, seeking help can provide comfort and support. Every reason for seeking a grief counselor is appropriate and sufficient, and it is worth listening to your gut.

However, there are situations where we would highly recommend seeking grief counseling if:

• Grief is so intense and has such a strong impact that coping with everyday tasks becomes very difficult.
• A bereaved person is someone else's sole or primary caregiver, such as a single parent or someone's caregiver.
• There are sleep disturbances or complaints about physical health (e.g. pain).
• Meals or medication are missed because there is no desire to get up or do anything.
• The intensity and frequency of emotions increase, rather than coming in waves or diminishing over time.
• There have been thoughts of hurting others or oneself.
• Self-destructive behavior occurs, such as substance abuse.

Grief counseling helps you accept the loss and find ways to move on with your life. The Healthy Life Center also offers services such as: psychological counseling, couple and family therapy, individual psychotherapy and soul care.

How to support and what to say to a grieving person?

1. Listening. The best support is simply being present and understanding, and letting them know that you are willing to listen to whatever the bereaved person wants to share, whenever they want to. It is also important to accept that the bereaved person does not want to talk. Give them time and space.
2. When expressing condolences, be sincere and empathetic. In addition to the wording of the message, it is important whether the expression of condolences comes from the heart.
3. Accept the bereaved person's feelings and allow them to grieve in their own way. Avoid minimizing the pain of loss and giving unnecessary advice about how to grieve, such as "Don't cry," "Don't be sad," "It's okay, we're here for you," "Be strong," or, in the case of a spouse, "You'll find a new partner." 
4. People's experiences of grief can vary greatly, and the support offered to the bereaved can vary. Some people are grateful to be able to share their thoughts and feelings with someone. Another person may be happy to receive practical help, such as cooking dinner or picking up groceries. 
5. There is no need to take the mourner's emotions personally, they are part of the grieving process.
6. If there are concerns about the bereaved person's mental health, or if there are signs of severe grief or depression, it is a good idea to talk about the possibilities of professional help, such as grief counseling.

What to consider when supporting children and the elderly in grief?

The course of the grief process and need for support for children and the elderly may be somewhat different. 

In the case of children, it is understandable that the child's parents are probably also grieving, and it is difficult for them to cope with their feelings and support the child at the same time. It is also confusing what, how and how much should be said about the death and how the child can be supported. Children's grief can be more hidden and have a longer-lasting effect. It can manifest itself more often in behavior and psychosomatically. It is important to talk to the child about the situation in an age-appropriate way, pay attention to routine and a sense of security, help them understand their feelings and alleviate fears and guilt. Rituals can be helpful. Children of any age can be helped to cope with grief. Just like adults, it is worth being attentive and helping them to reach professional help if necessary. Children and young people are also mourning camps.

The grief of the elderly is unique in that it is more difficult for them to make new friends and they are more likely to feel lonely. In addition, the death of a loved one can cause anxiety about the inevitability of one's own death, and the pain of loss experienced throughout life can accumulate, making it increasingly difficult to cope with each new grief.

Therefore, it is important to be patient and understanding and to offer human and practical support according to the needs of the bereaved person.